I sat by my mother’s bed that night, stroked her head gently so that she could sleep.
A thousand emotions were erupting all at once. My whole life was flying past me and I was trying to hold on to each one of them.
How suddenly can things change? How suddenly the priorities change? We think we control our lives and truth is life controls us. We plan for decades ahead, but we really don’t know what turn life will take the very next moment.
I closed my eyes.
...
It was an unusual damp evening. There was no one home. My parents were out for a regular health check-up.
The bell rang, I opened the door.
I can never forget that face.
Swollen and red, my mother’s eyes were hiding tears. She turned away and walked to her room. Something was wrong, seriously wrong. Perplexed and with an unknown fear in my heart, I walked into her room and asked her “What did the report say?”
Shocked at my sudden question, she fumbled for words.
“Nothing son, nothing came in the report”, she said. “Then why are you like this, what happened? Please tell me.” She moved her face away, and again said the same thing, but with a heavier voice.
I looked around for the medical report.
Seeing me looking at the report, she snatched at the file and shouted “There is nothing in the report,” and then she broke down.
WBC Count: 77300 (normal range: below 10000)
This line was circled.
I was numb, my heart had stopped beating and the blood froze in my veins. Motionless and still, I stood there like a rock. My eyes, cold and dry, kept staring at my mother trying to lie to me.
“It is cancer”, I whispered under the breath. I couldn’t believe my own words.
...
Still in disbelief, I suddenly opened my eyes. The dim red light-bulb was trying to fight off the darkness of the room and the fan was revolving slowly, reminding me of time passing by. So badly, I wanted this to be a dream, a night-mare which I could just wish away by rubbing my eyes.
My mother had this zeal for life. Simple and innocent, getting fatter everyday, she was very happy with the little world of hers, which revolved around her sons .After taking care of each and every need of theirs for the last 20 years, it sure must have been difficult for her not to find her sons home now. Kittu was in hostel and I was out, working.
Busy in our own struggles, we seldom realise the sacrifices people around us have made for us.
We take the love of our loved ones for granted.
What would she be thinking right now? How does one react to something like this?
My thoughts were shooting along random tangents- my mother, she had spent all her life taking care of others and now, it was her time to be taken care of; my father- how lonely he will be without her; about my grandparents-how will they react to this; my brother . I was prepared to quit my job and be there for my mom in her fight. I was thinking of the properties we may need to sell for her treatment. I was not going to lose her.
Papa looked composed, but was shaken to the core from inside. There were going to be more tests next morning to re-confirm. That was our only hope now.
She was asleep. Her eyes were still moist. I was reminded of the evening again.
...
Mummy was crying in front of me.. I didn’t know what to do. I hugged her. “We will fight this together.. you will be fine,” I said, tears rolling down my face.
Telling a loved one that everything is going to be okay when you know that it is not.. is soul-wrenching.
...
Sleep, my closest friend, had abandoned me.. I spent the night in silent prayer.
We struggle and fight for small things and we forget how precious life is. In the end , it’s just about moments, moments you will remember when all this is over - times, good and bad, you spent with family and friends, moments when you achieved a long cherished dream, moments when you did something good, something extraordinary, something mad, something unexpected.
In the end, life is just all about moments.
[P.S. This particular story had a happy ending J]
